I AM....NOT...TIGER WOODS

Dear Tiger (Edlrick...Lets use your big-boy name)

You will probably never recover from this. Sure you may win more tournaments and have a few more green jackets hanging in Augusta's closets, but your image has been irreversibly damaged.

You had it all.

The world was your play ground and well you played the world for many years.

You had us fooled.

I mean we all saw your child-like temper tantrums on the course but off it(?)...you were a saint. You had a beautiful wife, a couple children, an amazing foundation that was/is doing great work for children, a million-dollar smile (literally), and beyond amazing skills at your chosen profession. But much like many of your celebrity fraternity brothers it all wasn't enough. Sure I guess your type of addiction didn't cost you you're literal life, but figuratively it may have.

From the moment that Cadillac Escalade's front bumper stuck bark and the virtual media lock box of your life was opened for the world to see, your future has been changed.

No longer do parents tell their kids to "watch how this golfer plays and carries himself off the course, THAT's the way you should strive to be as an adult." No longer will Nike be proud to produce commercials were people of all ages and races make the claim "I am Tiger Woods."

But you know, lets not just destroy this man completely without setting a presidense for his behavior.

Enter one Kobe Bryant.

In the summer of 2003, Kobe Bryant was accused of raping a young woman in a Colorado hotel. Without going into a ton of detail on this case, suffice to say Kobe was aqquited of rape but admitted to infidelity and apologized to his wife, fans, teammates, etc. (one of which got a multi-million dollar ring...if you don't know which one I wont spoil the surprise for you). But the difference here is this Tiger. Kobe made a mistake, and as far as we know it was not a regular occurrence, but who knows. The point is that you Mr. Woods cheated on your wife with what some sources are claiming to be upwards of 12 women. 12 women. Enough said. That takes things to a completely different realm of cheating.

I was contemplating this entire circus of events earlier and I was reminded of an episode of the Jay Leno Show on NBC a couple months back. The guest was Kanye West. It happened to be the day after Kanye had jumped onto the stage at the MTV Music Awards when Taylor Swift was accepting her "moon man" and proceeded to tell the crowd that Beyonce actually deserved the award.

Leno first thanked Kanye for not canceling his appearance on the show due to the previous day's events and then allowed Kanye to publicly apologize, etc. The next part of the show is where I think Tiger needs to pay attention.

And before I tell the next part of this story let me preface it with a similarity between Mr. Woods and Mr. West. Both of them had a close connection with parents who have passed away. Kanye with his mother and Tiger with his father. That said, what Leno asked next was profound and bold in my opinion. He turned to Kanye and simply asked, "Kanye, what do you think your mother would have thought about [last nights events]." Wow. That had to be quite the shock for Kanye to hear, and I can't imagine he could have seen it coming. Leno got the response I expect he was fishing for. Kanye broke down and began to cry. Actually kind of a moving sequence.

So Tiger, here is my question (and you don't have to be a profit to know what its going to be). How do you think your father would feel about all of this? Do you think he would be proud? Do you think that he would rather have arguably the best professional golfer of all-time as a son, or one who is a honest, hardworking, faithful husband, father, and friend? I know what I would say if I were the late Woods.

People have forgotten for the most part about Kobe and his "discretions" but the bad news for you Tiger is that your whole life you have taken things to a level that most can't even imagine, this time it just happened to be adultery.

The most ironic part of this entire situation to me is this. Tiger, you play a sport where people will go to the utmost lengths to be honest. Players will take a penalty stroke that costs them the tournament because the ball moves a quarter inch when they address it. There aren't refs closely examining every sequence like in many other sports, but in golf the player is given burden of integrity.

By the stats you are one of the, if not the, best at this sport, and yet off the links you are a cheater. Simply a cheater. In no way do you deserve to call what you did anything else but cheating. "Discretions", "Infidelity", it all boils down to the same ugly thing, so lets do our best to call the putt like we see it and maybe introduce a new paradigm of honesty Mr. Woods.

You'll be 34-years-old at the end of this month Tiger, and there is no time better than the present to grow up; on the course and more importantly, off.

Oh and P.S. I used to be a huge fan of yours.

And So We Jump

At the culmination of each moment we find the end of something. Every person reaches a nearly innumerable amount of these moments. As if the end of a nerve, this is the point in which we feel the most. They afford clarity and reflection. Sure the journey is full of ends of this, and ends of that, but at the precipice of we find the time in which we truly feel. However long or short, good or bad, monumental or minimal, our souls are alive at these ends. Whether we have lost love, or won the lottery, they all fall at the end of a path. We live for these ends. I know that most people would not wish to have heartbreak or despair but the honest truth is that we needs these moments. They are God's perfect framing devices for the good in our lives. Search your memory for the times when everything was good, or bad for a significant period. I challenge you to tell me in detail about those times. My best guess is an uninspired, abridged version of your day-to-day. But when asked about a heartbreak or a game winning shot, your words will flow over the spill gates with exquisite and passionate detail. Instantaneously transforming an average vocabulary to that of a poet or theologian. The instant prior to reaching the top of the mountain we look back. See the path in which we have come and in that moment, we are emotionally satisfied. I once heard it said that the joy of victory is no where close to the pain of defeat. Joy is immediate and amazing, however, pain is equally intense and lingers. But we crave both. Subconsciously or openly we want to fall. Because we love the journey. Without the root like connections of our nervous system we could not feel the sensation at nerve's end. A broken bone, or the touch of a love's hand in yours, both are made possible by the connections and intricacies of a system. When we lament lost love we are simultaneously gracious for this pain. Knowing that we feel this way because at some previous moment we had felt the inverse. We had been on top of the mountain and tasted the air of victory. And having reached that pinnacle, we jumped, back to the bottom, back to the pain, back to the hurt, just so we could feel again, so we could remember why we climb all the way to the top in the first place.

An old post I pulled from MySpace called "Notes and Heart"

A song. The composition of sounds all forming a feeling. More than the noise, it breaths life into a moment. Making you feel alive. Etching the most finite of details forever into your memory banks. Floating on the air like a butterfly carrying the songs of many lessons, lives, and loves. Unknowingly the listener writes a diary of that moment. Subconsciously putting down the words, letter by letter. Immediately filed into a special place in both the brain and the heart. No matter the days that pass, the situations that change or the heartbreak that may happen you will always have those secret diaries. Buried until the first note hits, falls as if the initial drop of a rainstorm. Cueing the rush of emotions exploding from deep within your heart. The song plays and you fade back to the moment, the day, the feeling, the love. As if pulled by the weight of these memories, your eyes gently close. No longer are you in the present, but transported to a place of dreams. A moment that for a very specific reason was logged into these journals. This beautiful stream of words and notes combining to form a song? No, these beautiful words and notes combining to form a life, a moment, an emotion, a love, all of which transcend a mere song. No longer is the meaning in the words of the vocals, but in the words of the heart.

The Shoulds and Woulds

So this is my first blog well...since the days when I was a frustrated late teenager who had moved into the vast and intimidating world of college with girl troubles and drama. At that time I really felt it was necessary for the world to know how much I "hurt," and how terrible my life was as a 19 year old because everyone knows those are the most important years of our lives right? haha. My medium WAS myspace...lame i know...now im so so mature and I think I will use this instead. Hopefully this will be more intelligent and maybe contribute positvely to society...

Anyways, to get to the point. I was talking with one of my friends tonight about the furture, a scary and intriguing subject for a couple of 23-year-old kids. We went back and forth and she was telling me about how she decided to go to grad school next year in New Mexico because she felt it was something that she needed to do, or SHOULD do. She said that she needed to be fiscally responsible and that going to school in New Mexico would not be out-of-state tuition for her grad school and how much that made sense to do.

The Grant of a few years ago, before he was transformed into at least part hippie here in Bellingham, would have agreed and said that it was important for her to get her education so she could be successful in life. But the Grant who sits here now typing and talked early on the phone just doesnt agree.

We spend our lives trying to develope the person that we want to be as an "adult" but really when do we become adults? There are a plethera of answers to this and really just depends on the person defining it. All I can tell you from my perspective is that at 23 years old, I am working on becoming an adult but fighting it equally as hard. I think there will become a point when each person has a family to support and responsibilites beyond their own well being and shelter, but for now the truth is that we are free. I understand loans and responsibilites such as this all to well, but I say fight. Fight against those restraints to experience. We will have plenty of the rest of our lives to act on the voice that says we "should" do this or that and ignore the little voice saying, "if you could do anything, what WOULD you do?" I say this because ideally, and I guess not every single person can just do what they want at our age, but I think for majorities sake I will not direct my attention to this minority exception,....ideally we can do, go, love, be, say, experince....what, where, who, how, whatever, everything...we want. Knowing when you see the shoulds in a valuble thing because their regonition is a key part to maturity and in no way am I saying that taking the should is not often the best path, but for the sake of sanity and well for the matter insanity examine the woulds.

Whats left when you boil down this whole blog is that when I turn 30 years old I want to be able to look back and remember the experiences I had and would give up the diplomas on my wall, my 401k (mine never seems to build up anyway..lol), any of my accomplishments to have the love of good friends and memories of a life spent living rather than a life spent planning and stressing over accomplishments and gaining recognition. Thats all. Also this is an open invitation to my friends to keep builind those experiences...call me and lets go have coffee or if you really want an experience, lets see if we can get into some trouble.. :)